Tag Archive | women

Martha Matilda Harper and the Invention of the Franchise

A couple of weeks ago, when I was doing research about 19th century hairstyles, I stumbled across the remarkable story of Martha Matilda Harper. Never heard of her? Neither had I, but she is an amazing woman! I had to share. This is a remarkable 19th century success story about courage, perseverance, and sheer, stubborn determination to raise the status of women and to enable them to stand on their own.

Martha Matilda Harper, courtesy of Wikicommons

Martha Matilda Harper, courtesy of Wikicommons

Martha Matilda Harper was born to a working class family in Oakville, Ontario in 1857. Not exactly the best circumstances to be born into if you were a woman. At the age of seven, her father sent her away to work as a domestic servant in the household of a relative. Martha Matilda (not sure if that’s what she was called, but I like the sound of it, sooo…) ended up working in service for 25 years.

Now, if this had been the story of any other young woman of humble origin in the mid-19th century, that would be it. Social climbing wasn’t exactly easy in this world. It was a time when a woman’s worth was determined by the men in her life, her father or her husband. Working class women didn’t just set out on their own to create a better life for themselves. And they certainly didn’t start businesses, right? Continue reading

The Beauty and Evolution of 19th Century Hairstyles

Yet another insult fate has added to injury in the story of how I should have been born 125 years before I was, thus living out the plumb of my days in the late Victorian era, is the fact that I have 19th century hair. Yes, I do. Everything about my hair, from the volume to the texture to the amount of it lends itself to 19th century hairstyles. See?

My hair as it was styled for my brother's wedding back in December

My hair as it was styled for my brother’s wedding back in December

But what exactly is 19th century hair, and why would I want it anyhow? Continue reading

Coming Out

I didn’t watch the Golden Globes on Sunday, but I read all about Jodie Foster’s “coming-out” speech the next day. And of course I thought to myself, “So? Big deal. Didn’t we all already know that?” Then, a couple days later, the indomitable George Takei posted a blog about why it actually is a big deal.

I’ll let you read his heart-felt words about why it matters, still, today, when celebrities come out and how that affects young people in and out of the closet who are scared of what will become of them if they do come out. George’s words definitely gave me a different perspective on things.

jodie-fosterThe fact is, whether or not someone is gay or straight ceased to matter to me personally many, many years ago. I remember the exact moment when my opinions about sexuality changed. And yes, it changed in a flash, in one single moment. I was raised in a conservative, religious community where (at that time) it was definitely not okay to be gay. Granted, I didn’t know at that point that one of my closest high school friends was gay either. But then I moved to Florida for two years of college.

I had a good friend, Sonia, who I worked with at an after-school job. I really liked Sonia. She was funny and quirky and we had a similar sense of humor. We were both a little awkward around other people and I could sense that there was something deeply painful underneath the surface of Sonia’s world. I visited her house, met some of her family, and listened while she told me about some of the trauma and trials that her family had gone through. She was the closest friend I had during that time of my life.

Then one day we were working a shift together and I’m sure I said something narrow-minded about sexuality (although I don’t remember what). I don’t remember the conversation, but I remember Sonia saying to me, quite frankly, “Well, what would you say if I told you I was a lesbian?”

Ever have one of those moments where time stops and you have a long string of thoughts within the space of a second? This was one of those moments. Within the space of half a second all of the following thoughts ran through my head: “I’ve always been told being gay is wrong. But there’s nothing wrong about Sonia. She’s a wonderful person and a good friend. But she’s a lesbian, which can’t be right if everything I was told growing up was true. But everything I was told can’t be true, because if there’s one thing I know for certain it’s that Sonia is a great person. She’s my friend.” Seriously, all of that in half a second.

And then I said aloud the distillation of everything that had just run through my head: “You’re still Sonia. You’re still my friend.” I think I might have actually shrugged and gone on doing my job.

gay cartoonI consider that one of the most important moments of my life. It was vital because in that moment I realized that nothing had changed. Sonia didn’t suddenly become a monster or a horrible person or the anathema of all I believed in. She was still Sonia, my friend. From that moment on my opinion on sexuality had been irrevocably changed. It didn’t matter.

I think this moment was also important to me because Sonia and I continued to be friends and she talked to me about her sexuality. I learned a lot. I learned that just because she liked women didn’t mean she wanted to sleep with me. I wonder sometimes if that’s the fear that a lot of people have when they learn a friend or same-sex acquaintance is gay. But that doesn’t make any more sense than the belief that every one of your opposite-sex friends or acquaintances wants to sleep with you all the time.

Of course, since that pivotal moment with Sonia I’ve had many more gay friends. Not to mention learning that someone I’d known and loved for years was gay. I’ve often wondered if there was more I could have done for him when we were in school, if he was struggling but afraid to reach out, and if I would have known how to handle it at that point in my life. I don’t know. I’m just glad that we’re good friends now.

So I don’t know. Maybe George Takei has a point and it is a very big deal still when a celebrity comes out. I can understand how important it must be to someone facing the same situation. But for someone like me, someone on the other end of the whole coming-out process, the one who gets come out to, I don’t think it is or even should be a big deal. It doesn’t change who that person is. It most certainly shouldn’t affect how I feel about them in the least. Who they – whoever they are – feel pulled to fall in love or lust with is no more my business than it is anyone else’s business who I take a fancy to. My business is to love people for the essence of who they are in their heart of hearts.

I’m sad to say that I lost touch with Sonia when I moved away from Florida (in 1996!). I have her birthday written on my calendar still though and I think of her at least once a year because of it. I sincerely hope that her life has been full of joy and promise. And I hope we meet again someday, if not here, then in the great beyond.

Bra Size and Self-Esteem at Any Age

I would like to apologize in advance to any men who happen to be reading this Fun Friday post.  On the other hand, it’s possible you could end up learning something.  And it’s about boobies.

I’ve always been flat-chested.  I was also what my grandmother liked to call a “late bloomer”.  I remember those awkward pre-teen moments when all the girls in my class started to “burgeon” and not-so discreetly ask each other for tampons in the girl’s bathroom as a badge of honor.  Did I say pre-teen?  I mean high school.  Yes, I was one of the girls who looked like she should have been in fourth grade when a couple of the other girls were being asked out by seniors who did not talk to their faces.

Yes, it bothered me.  I don’t know if guys realize this, but by being so fascinated with that protuberant part of the female anatomy, they inadvertently give us a complex.  Because duh!  We all know that guys like girls with big boobs.  And when you’re an impressionable high school girl who can’t for the life of you figure boys out, that one thing is clear.  How do you get a boy to pay attention to you?  Have big boobs.

© Lisa F. Young | Dreamstime.com

They say that women dress not to impress men, but to impress and one-up each other.  The same is definitely true of cleavage.  We’re as aware of that part of our anatomy as you guys are, but for most of us it isn’t out of a sense of attraction, it’s out of a sense of “Dammit, he’s looking at Jolene’s boobs and not mine!”  Of course, being women and as prone to offense as anyone else, as soon as we’ve caught your attention we will demand that it be directed to the right location.  The eyes, gentlemen, the eyes.  But it’s that bit of plumage, those intriguing decorations, that we know draw you to us.

So what’s a flat-chested girl to do?

Well, I tried a water-bra once.  Now there was an interesting experience!  It was neon green.  Why I don’t know.  My mom let me get it for a laugh.  Here’s a couple of things you need to know about water bras.  They feel freezing cold when you first put them on, but once that water warms up, they will keep your chest so cozy that you don’t want to take them off.  They are also impossible to clean, no matter how closely you follow the instructions.  And frankly, they feel kinda silly as they slosh while you’re walking.

I also had a Wonderbra once.  It was great!  It did exactly what it was supposed to do.  For the first hour or so that I had it on.  And then things would start to shift and sink until I looked flatter than I was when I started.  Of course, if you can arrange to slip off to the ladies room to adjust the girls every now and then it’s fine.  Ever wonder why women are always running to the bathroom?  It’s probably because you stopped paying attention to us.

I have problems with bras though that have nothing to do with what lies beneath.  My big problem with bras is the straps.  I have narrow shoulders and bra straps slip right off, no matter how tight I make them.  It’s maddening.  I can spend all day hiking up those bra straps.  I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even try to hide it anymore.  I’d rather yank that strap up while someone is staring right at me than spend ten minutes trying to discreetly roll my shoulders and nudge it up.  It doesn’t help to get racer-back bras either because my funky shoulders push that kind of strap halfway up my neck.  Strapless bras work okay for me, but once the elastic starts to stretch out thinks sink to old lady locations.

And then my coworker, Erika, made the suggestion one day that I should go bra shopping at Aerie.  Their stock is aimed at teenage girls and their sizes run small, so I could probably find something that works well with my flat-chested narrow-shouldered travesty of a torso.  So off I went.

Well, I walked into Aerie and a darling young sales rep by the name of Brittney who looked like she was probably born sometime after I graduated from high school smiled and asked if she could help me.  I explained my bra strap predicament.  She beamed and cheerfully told me that I needed to head to the back of the store to see Jaime to be measured.  So off I went.

Jaime looked as though she could be Brittney’s younger sister.  I have things in my refrigerator older than her.  But she was happy to see me, and when I told her what I was looking for she bounced into action with her handy-dandy tape measure.

“What size to you think you are?” she asked.

“I’m a 34A,” I replied.

She lassoed me with her tape measure.  She frowned.  She scooted the tape measure unapologetically over my disappointing girls.  And then she said…

“Actually, you’re a 36B.”

My heart stopped.  My jaw hit the floor.  My chest, boobies included, filled with elation.

Jaime must have seen the sudden sweep of joy in my eyes.  “Most women don’t know what size they are,” she explained with a sweet smile.  “I’ll get you some samples to try on.”

I felt like I was in high school again.  I felt like I should be throwing a sweet sixteen party.  Somehow, in the space of those five minutes, I had grown an entire cup size!  The world was an entirely new place!  Maybe there was something there to attract the attention of the opposite sex!  Maybe I would get a chance to someday snap, ‘excuse me, I’m up here’!  Maybe I did have enough there to someday sag!  Finally!  All those cookies have paid off!

© Dana Rothstein | Dreamstime.com

It’s a bit ridiculous how happy being just one cup size bigger than I thought I was has made me.  It’s weird how it has affected my self-esteem … at age 38.  I don’t know if we put too much emphasis on our breasts in this modern culture or not.  Personally, I have no problem with them being seen as an instrument of attraction.  Yes, I do believe they’re more than just milk-producers for babies.

They’re sexual, no doubt about it.  And that’s fantastic.  They get stared at and touched.  So do men’s crotches.  We’ve just lived with a double-standard for so long that ogling a woman’s breasts has gained more social acceptance than eyeing a guy’s trousers.  But that’s a whole other blog post.  I’m sure guys have the same weird self-esteem issues with their bodies that we have with ours.  Are we nuts?  Probably.  But for now I’m just going to sit back and smile at my pretty new size 36B bras and not worry what anyone thinks of me.

The Best Time To Be A Woman

In honor of International Women’s Day earlier this month I read a neat article from The Independent about the best and worst places to be a woman.  They broke it down throughout various disciplines, education, opportunity, health care, and the like.  It was no surprise to me that Scandinavian countries ranked so high in so many areas and that Iceland was named the best place to be a woman.  (I’m part Scandinavian, after all)  It was interesting to see other places throughout the world ranked high in other areas though.  Like Rwanda being the best place to be a female politician.

So it got me thinking….  When were the best and worst times to be a woman?

Now if you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time then you know I’m something of a History Apologist.  I believe very strongly that the past was not such a bad place to live and that modern people have serious misconceptions about what conditions were like in bygone eras.  Your average modern person just assumes today is the best time has to offer.

Personally, I disagree.

Yes, there are some amazing advances that women have in the 21st century.  Healthcare, for one.  The rate of death in childbirth is lower than it has ever been.  Uniquely female chronic conditions are understood better now, without taboo, and they are able to be treated with modern techniques.  This goes for mental health issues as well as just physical ones.  Because remember, in the late 19th century hysterectomies were performed because a woman had become “hysterical” and needed to have her uterus removed to calm down.

So acute healthcare is light years better today.  But I am in the school of thought that says the day-to-day health of your average person, female or male, was actually much better at various points in history.  Prior to the 20th century people moved more, walked more, and “exercised” more as part of their daily routine.  In this regard I believe that the late 19th and early 20th centuries were healthier.  I’ve had doctors back me up on this one too, although since it was within private conversation I can’t cite it and show you an article.  But at the turn of the last century enough medical advances had been made to improve the lives of average people, food supplies were plentiful and there was variety, and general physical activity levels were higher.  Not too shabby.

Education is another important aspect adding to the quality of life of women.  Statistics show that, in America at least, 60% of students enrolled in higher education are women.  In the west women have access to education more than ever before.  Um, wait, EVER before?  Are you sure about that?

A Medieval woman teaching geometry. To men, I might add.

Actually, in the Middle Ages men and women pretty much had equal access to education.  Granted, by “equal” I mean that not a lot of people across the board had access.  The centers of education in the Medieval world, for the most part, were religious institutions.  Women were part of the religious life just as much as men.  Some of the greatest minds of the era were women, such as Hildegard of Bingen, Héloïse d’Argenteuil, and Saint Catherine of Siena.  These women were writers and leaders within their religious orders.  Their opinions were sought by even the heads of state at the time.

Speaking of the Middle Ages, depending on the kingdom or country in which they lived, in the High Middle Ages women could actually own and inherit property, run a business, and be a member of the all-powerful guilds.  All that 20th century talk about the glass ceiling and the importance of women breaking through it?  They already broke through it a thousand years ago.

Alright, the modern person says, what about sexual equality?  Historically women have been confined to the home, the bearers of children, subject to the will of their husbands.  Wife-beating was legal in the past, wasn’t it?  Women had no legal recourse, right?

Well, not exactly.  I was just reading some fantastic stuff the other day in one of my favorite history books, 1215: The Year of Magna Carta by Danny Danziger and John Gillingham.  In it the authors talk about one Medieval author, Daniel of Beccles, who stated that it was virtually impossible for women to resist their sexual appetites, especially when presented with a particularly well-endowed male.  He advised husbands to look the other way when it came to their wives’ inevitable affairs because the pleasure that the women would receive would make them happier people in the long run.

Is it just me or does that sound like a complete gender reverse of the prevailing attitude of the 19th and 20th centuries?  Furthermore, Danziger and Gillingham also point out from several Medieval sources that the undisputed scientific opinion of the time was that a woman could only conceive if she experienced pleasure in the sexual act.  Definitely not Victorian!  And finally county court records of the time show time and time again in the Middle Ages that women frequently sued men for canoodling with them then refusing to marry them.  The courts ruled in favor of the women and forced the man to marry them.  This would have had significant socio-economic implications, by the way.  And frankly, I don’t think that the modern world provides women with as much protection from being taken for a ride by a man.  Just sayin’.

I could go on and on with examples from history about how life wasn’t really all that bad for women at various other times.  It all boils down to who you were, where exactly you lived, and what you considered to be most important.  If you wanted to work and excel in your profession, then the High Middle Ages was a good place for you.  If you didn’t want to work and wanted to live a more leisurely life, being born into money in the 19th century might have been more your thing.  I personally would have avoided the entire 14th century, and if I had to be lower class I wouldn’t have wanted to live during the early Industrial Revolution.  Although if I had to live in the 17th or 18th century I think it might have been interesting and still reasonably viable as a woman to live in Colonial America.  My point is that there are so many options throughout history for a woman to live a safe, satisfying, and comfortable life.

Is this what we wanted to become?

But if you take away anything from this blog post, let it be this!  Remember, women have had extensive rights and powers at various points in history.  In the High Middle Ages they could own property, participate in business, and become highly educated just like any man could.  Fast-forward 500 or so years and suddenly women were little more than the property of their husbands or fathers, unable to inherit or vote, called whores if they exhibited any sexual appetite, with little recourse under the law if they were threatened.  Women lost what they once had!  Think about it.  Who’s to say it couldn’t happen again?  Life might be pretty good for women now, but what will our lives and rights look like in another 500 years?  In another 50 years?  Never take any right for granted.