Tag Archive | knitting

Are We Having Fun Yet?

Every morning I read this column by writer Cary Tennis published at Salon.com. Cary answers letters from various troubled souls, and he does it with his own unique blend of personal wisdom gleaned from his own struggles with depression, addiction, and life instead of some dry college degree. It’s like the uber-intellectual hippie version of Dear Abby. In answering the letter of a stressed-out and anxious soul recently he proposed the very simple solution that that person go out and do something fun. Then he asked the letter-writer the question “What do you do for fun?”

As usual with Cary Tennis’s letter-answers, I sat there thinking about how profoundly his words applied to me as well. I too have been stressed out. I’ve felt like I have too many things to do, too many responsibilities to handle. But of course I have fun too, right? Wait a minute, what do I do for fun?

My view from the scorer's table at cricket

I’ll tell you what I don’t do. I don’t watch a lot of tv. I don’t have cable and while I do have a television set, it’s only hooked up to a DVD player … which I also don’t use anymore. I don’t play sports either. I’m not athletic. I do score for a local cricket team or two in the summer when the weather is nice, but I’ll get to that in a second.

There are a lot of things I would like to do that I can’t afford to. I would love to go to the movies more often, but not at $10 a ticket. I would love to eat out at really nice restaurants, but really nice restaurants are super expensive. So are concerts, plays, and the ballet, all of which I would also do if I could. Then there’s travel. Oh man, if I had money I would be all over this globe of ours! But alas, I am poor (buy my books!) so I can’t do any of these things.

Fun or (gasp!) work?

Okay, so now I’m back where I started. What do I do for fun? Here’s the thing. Like a lot of other people, I’m sure, a lot of the things that I used to do for fun have become more like fun responsibilities. Obviously I write for fun. But writing, whether books or blog posts, has turned the corner into being something I do with a purpose as opposed to something I do to relax and unwind. It’s still fun, but daily word count goals and editing makes it feel a little like work. I used to do a lot of theater … until I ended up in charge of things and it was suddenly very, very un-fun. Even cricket has morphed into something where I go to perform a job and fulfill a responsibility.

So wait, what happened to fun?

Well, those things are still fun, but not 100% pure relaxation.

At this point I started to panic. Do I even have fun anymore? Have I slipped into a pattern of hopeless efficiency and competence? What am I going to do? I mean, even reading, the classic thing to do for fun, has become something I just don’t have time for. Uh oh.

My current knitting project - a lovely pair of very fancy black socks (trust me, they're fancy, but you can't see the pattern in this pic)

There is one thing though. Knitting. I knit on my lunch break. I just finished a scarf for my BFF last week and I’m working on a pair of socks this week. That’s fun. It will be even more fun to walk around in a pair of warm, fuzzy, pretty homemade socks. And as much like work as writing has become, I do actually have genuine fun handwriting notes on stories I’m either working on or may or may not write someday. Whew! I have something fun in my life.

But it makes me think…. I tend to feel just a little guilty when I’m doing something that has no constructive purpose or quantifiable results. Maybe it’s the feeling that I shouldn’t actually be having fun. There’s no time for it. If it’s not productive it’s a waste of time. I sit around feeling guilty about all the things I should be doing instead.

Good God, perish the thought! There has to be fun in the world! Even for responsible, competent adults.

So as I sit here a while longer and contemplate what I can do to kick back and relax and enjoy myself without feeling like I’m being irresponsible, let me ask. What do you do for fun? How do you relax and unwind from the business of life?

A Waste of Time

Oct25

I should be working on my novel, not writing a blog post. Yep. I can feel my blood-pressure and anxiety level rising right now. I should be working on my latest knitting project, not surfing the net. I have so much work to do and I’m wasting valuable time not doing it! Oh boy, here come the palpitations! I should be reading right now. I haven’t read anything for weeks and it’s crucial for a Writer to be reading all the time to hone their craft.

Oh no! What am I doing with myself? I’m wasting so much time!

Once upon a time, several years ago, the company that I was working for paid for us all to attend a 7 Habits of Highly Effective People workshop. I distinctly remember filling out a survey to determine how much time you spent doing the four different areas of activity that was talked about in the workshop. I tried to be honest with myself. Lo and behold, I ended up scoring myself as spending a lot of time idling and not getting things done. I felt terrible.

Okay, but here’s the thing. That 7 Habits of Highly Effective People workshop also talked about a habit called “Sharpening the Saw”. In fact, other than “First things First”, which I repeatedly saw on someone’s bumper-sticker on the street where I lived, I couldn’t tell you what the other habits are. But “Sharpening the Saw” is all about taking time off from all the work you have to do to enjoy yourself so that you are fresh and rested whey you approach the work again.

Yes, but is that what I’m really doing? I’m not writing, I’m not knitting, and I’m not reading. So what am I doing anyhow? Nine times out of ten the answer is “working”, but does that count? I could be putting this time to better use, right?

I have another issue with the term “wasting time”, a far more emotional one.

So several years ago I had moved to Alabama to be closer to my father. He left when I was six and spent the next 25 or so years playing this game of “in my life, out of my life, in my life, out of my life”. I moved to Alabama after my Mom died to try to rebuild my relationship with him. Well, it didn’t work. I moved back home to Philly. I was having a hard time finding a job, so I called him for some emotional support. Long story short, he told me that my life was a “waste of time” because I had majored in something useless in school (History and Theater) and worked pointless jobs, and that I should have gone into engineering or accounting or gotten married. I hung up on him. I’ve talked to him for about 30 minutes in the 7 years since he said that.

However, the specter of WASTING TIME remains.

I get extraordinarily anxious when I feel like I’m not spending my time the way I should spend it to get things done. I agonize over every moment that I’m not writing, not producing. The other day at work (and by that I mean the job that they pay me for) we had a ginormous project handed to us and I was unable to write a sentence all day. I think I broke out in hives. And yet technically I wasn’t doing anything wrong. Technically the writing I do during my day job (*cough*like this blog post*cough*) is wrong. I have nothing to feel ashamed about.

So what is it about the pressures and expectations we put on ourselves to get things done? Or is it not really our own expectations but the haunts of the past that push us beyond the reasonable? I thought my dad’s statement about my life being a waste of time was so ridiculously off-base and out of line that I hung up on him. I definitely think he gets a giant parenting FAIL. But is there a part of me that believes him? That thinks I need to prove myself to myself every moment of the day? … God I hope not!

The fact is, I like to feel like I’m getting things done. I love the sense of accomplishment that comes with finishing a novel or a pair of socks. The victory of completion is my crack. But I’m not completely convinced it’s healthy. And sadly, I’m equally unsure what to do about it except to remind myself to cut myself a break now and then. That saw needs sharpening and there’s only one way to do it.

So am I alone here? Does anyone else give themselves a hard time for something subjective? How do you deal with it?

“It’s bad enough that you waste time, but do you really have to kill it?” -The Phantom Tollbooth (sort of paraphrased )

Staying Motivated

Jul7

You sit down in front of the computer. You open Word. Your fingers rest poised over the keys, ready to tickle their way through greatness. You’re ready. You’re determined. … The cats get into a tussle and you turn your head to watch. Then you decide you feel like a cookie. You get up. Might as well make some coffee while you’re at it. Better yet, why not just drive over to Starbuck’s for fancy coffee and a pastry. Yeah! The one that’s in Barnes & Noble. Then you can wander through books all afternoon. Because reading a lot is part of the writing process, right? Right???

Yeah, you saw that coming. Whether you’re a writer like me or an artist or a crafter or person with friends that would occasionally like to see you, I’m sure you’ve had those moments of pure inertia that keep you on the sidelines. Sometimes it’s just so much easier to fritter than to fight. And SpongeBob is always on somewhere. Why not just kick back and chillax? There will be time for all those important things later.

Thus begins the slippery slope.

But if you’re anything like me a load of guilt comes with that decision to go to B&N instead of writing another chapter or getting in a few more rounds on the sock you’re knitting. And procrastination is not inherently evil. I happen to like it now and then as a way to recharge the batteries. But the crucial thing is to stay motivated to get the work done. Because remember, you actually like this hobby!

I’ve had many people over the years tell me their techniques for staying motivated. Bribery is a big one. If you can make a deal with yourself, set yourself a reward for the hard work, then you’ll get more done, they say. Okay, I can go to Starbucks IF I get five pages written first, if I get this little section of the painting sorted out, if I call up Kristine and ask if she wants to come with me because I haven’t seen her in a month. Or one of my favorites, I can go yarn shopping again as soon as I finish this pair of socks! Wheeling and dealing with yourself can be a huge motivating factor because who knows better what you want enough to work for than you?

But what if you are terrible about holding yourself accountable?

Another technique I’ve heard for getting the work done is to limit your exposure to distracting influences. Put the cats in another room. Close the curtains and turn off the radio. Set up an office in the basement and unplug the phones. And definitely, definitely do not go online! The Spartans might not have been the most fun people in Ancient Greece, but they got stuff done. Limiting exposure to the things you know are your weaknesses can help your mind to focus on that other thing that you love but are avoiding. Don’t avoid it! It loves you! Let that sock fill you with warm-fuzzies as you turn the heel!

Okay, what about the opposite of that?

I find that keeping a lot of inspirational things around helps me stay motivated to write. I have a corkboard with character pics of all of the main characters for the stories I’m working on above my computer. They sit up there, all cute and approachable, and urge me to get a move on. And I am a big fan of Pandora for setting the mood. Some days it’s Haydn, some days it’s Glee, but whatever the mood I find that music carries it along. And if I get really stuck, well, as a historical romance writer I find that trolling Netflix for a good BBC costume drama is not entirely a waste of time. The combination of a subject I love, sweeping cinematography, fantastic costumes, hot British guys, and a killer soundtrack can usually get my juices going. … And make me want to write too. But if you don’t happen to be a historical romance writer maybe a trip to the museum or a hike in the woods or a jaunt down to your local high-end yarn store (if you’re in eastern PA I recommend Lancaster Yarn Shop as a euphoria-inducing experience) will do the trick.

Right, that seems to work in the short term, but what about long term?

I’ll let you in on a little secret. I get massively burned out. On everything. On writing, on knitting, even on cricket. It happens to the best of us. But what I’ve learned is that people are your friends. Not only that, like-minded people are your best motivational tool and resource. No, seriously! I never feel so energized and motivated to take on the world than when I’ve been to a conference, convention, or event revolving around my passions. Writer’s conferences, like the Philadelphia Writers Conference or any of the Romance Writers of America conferences, send me to euphoric heights of writing bliss. Attending the recent Knitting Along the Viking Trail exhibit at the American Swedish Historical Museum made me want to knit sweaters for everyone I know. Taking a wheel-throwing ceramics class at the Abington Art Center this Spring turned me into a total pot-head. Because each event gave me the chance to learn about what I love and share my enthusiasm with others who share the same passion. There’s nothing like finding a clump of people who can talk just as long and just as furiously as you can about the things you love.

But what is the best technique for staying motivated?

Answer? All of them.

Just like combinations of drugs have been proven to be the most effective treatment for cancer, combinations of motivational techniques are the best way to yank yourself up out of the rut. For example, having attended the Philadelphia Writers Conference last weekend I have now told myself that if I get off my butt and set up an online presence as an author and take a risk to ePublish The Loyal Heart this summer then I can get that Kindle I’ve wanted for years so that I can read my own book. And I’m allowed to watch as much SpongeBob as I want as long as I’m knitting socks for the craft sale I intend to have a booth to sell them at in November.

So if I can do it, me, a devout lover of procrastination, you can do it too. Let’s get out there and conquer the world!

A few motivational links for you:
Philadelphia Writers Conference
Abington Art Center
Lancaster Yarn Shop
American Swedish Historical Museum