Tag Archive | dislike

Complaints-giving

Nov24

Today is Thanksgiving Day in America.  All across our fair country families will be getting together to eat turkey and mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie, to enjoy each other’s company, and to be thankful for the good things in our lives.

Well, in theory at least.

The reality is probably more along the lines of families getting together to drive each other crazy, children screaming and whining about having to eat all of their beans, men disappearing to watch football games, and women buzzing around the kitchen muttering about no one helping them clean up or trying to out-martyr each other.

And you know what?  I say go for it!

This Thanksgiving I think we should all take a moment to complain at the top of our voices.  I think we should all really let rip and tell people all of the things we can’t stand, disapprove of, or think or are unfair in our lives.  Let’s really go for broke and kick up a ruckus.

I’ll go first.

I am really angry that I’m still single at age 37 without any significant relationships to look back on or forward to.  I think I’m better than that and that I have a lot of really good things to offer a man.  I’m angry that no one has bothered to see me as a potential mate or even a date for dinner.  I’m annoyed that so many men that I’ve met are so selfish and can’t be honest about what they really want in life.  That goes for non-romantic-interest men too.  In fact, I’m pissed off that no one, not even my family, ever seems to be there for me when I really need them.  I’m furious that I have to struggle financially, that I have to work two jobs, three if you count writing (which I do) and that no one has offered to help.  I’m livid that the closest offer I’ve ever gotten of concrete help from my family is my aunt saying I could maybe, possible, rent a room in her house, but under no circumstances could I bring my cats if I did.  I hate that no one ever gets me anything even remotely useful or even in the ballpark of what I want for Christmas but instead fill up my already overcrowded apartment with glorified paperweights because they don’t stop to think about what I really want or need.  And I’m frustrated that I haven’t sold thousands of copies of my novel or that I don’t have thousands of Twitter followers, Facebook fans, or Blog subscribers.

Whew!  Yeah!  That was a rip-roaring bundle of complaints!  Grr!

And now I can take a deep breath.  Ah!  Now I’ve gotten that out there in the world.  Now I’ve said it.  Now I can let go of it and move on.

Complaining is like vacuuming.  Carpets get cluttered up with dirt, dust, and gunk.  That’s why every once in a while we have to bring out the big, obnoxious, noisy machine that scares the cats and makes them hide under the bed.  We flex our muscles and raise our heart rate as we lug those gigantic machines around to suck up all the clutter.  What we’re left with is a nice clean floor that may not be as fresh and new as the day we bought the carpet, but it looks a whole lot better.  The room looks bigger.  We can breathe a sigh of relief and say “look how much cleaner the whole place seems now!”

Complaining is a necessary part of the process of gratitude.  We all have so many things to be grateful for in our lives.  No seriously, we do.  But it’s so hard, impossible even, to see all of the wonderful things in our lives if we’re clogged up with dirt and unhappiness.  Nothing is ever going to be the way any of us want it to.  It’s human nature to be dissatisfied with what we have.  We all have complaints.  As long as you hold those complaints inside, letting them fester and grow and sink into the fiber of the carpet, you’re not going to have room for gratitude of any kind.

You have to let go of the bad before you have space for the good.

So now that I’ve ranted and gnashed my teeth and spit out all the crap that clogs me up when I’m feeling vulnerable I can take a look at the good things in my life, the things I’m thankful for.

I’m thankful that I have a vivid, crazy, lively imagination that has been my closest friend and ally for my entire life.  I’m thankful that it has provided me with hours of entertainment, made writing essays for school easier, gotten me out of tight predicaments, and given me wings.  I’m thankful that I was taught to go after the things I want in life rather than to sit back and feel sorry for myself for not having them.  I’m thankful that I have a few people in my life that I can call the best friends ever.  I’m grateful that I have the strength and health to work insanely hard so that I can make ends meet and pay my own way without having to mooch off of anyone.  I’m thankful for the recent changes in the publishing industry that have made it possible for me to share my stories with the world without having to venture down a path that I’ve never felt comfortable with.  I’m so very thankful that I discovered the wonderful sport of cricket and that I’ve become a part of the cricket scene in Philadelphia, made a name for myself and made so many wonderful new friends.  I’m thankful that I can see things other people can’t, and that other people see things that I can’t because it means I’ll always have room to grow.  I’m thankful that I can share these words with complete strangers and I hope that good will come into the world in ways I’ll never be aware of because of them.

Ah!  That felt good.  It’s nice to be reminded of the good side of life.  I don’t know if I would have been able to feel so thankful if I hadn’t felt free to honestly express all those negative things that were taking up the brain-space I needed to feel that way.

So give it a try.  Dump out all the bad.  Rant here in a comment if you want to grouse about something that pisses you off and be heard … but not by the people who you have to live with.  And then fill up all that empty space with thankfulness.  But get rid of the crud first.

Literary v. Commercial Fiction – Grudge Match

Sep6

Yes, it’s true.  I’ve never been a fan of Literary Fiction.  I know, I know, it’s supposed to be the good stuff, right?  The meatier fiction.  The kind with more depth, that explores the human condition.  Right?  Ugh.  Nine times out of ten I can’t stand it.  I know, Oprah’s book club says it’s the best stuff out there and a lot of it gets made into movies.  More power to the author.  But it’s just not to my taste.

Give me Commercial Fiction any day!  I absolutely adore a good cheezy romance novel.  That’s why I write them.  And no, nothing I write is going to win the Booker Prize, but boy is it fun.  I love the nickname “Bodice-Rippers” for Romance, particularly Historical Romance.  Yes!  Absolutely!  Let’s rip those bodices!  Because it’s fun.  It’s sensational.  It’s a whole lot of hyperbole wrapped up in a beautiful package of gorgeous heroines and steaming hot heroes who always end up saying and doing the right thing in the end … and are VERY good in bed.

Or Science Fiction/Fantasy, which I also love.  There may be those out there who find it completely unrealistic, but to that I say hogwash!  The brilliant creativity exhibited by sci-fi/fantasy authors boggles the mind.  I love reading imaginations in overdrive.  To conceive of entire new worlds that bear only a passing resemblance to ours is amazing.  And so often these worlds are filled with hope, even in the midst of despair.  Usually in the midst of despair, actually.  They talk about the triumph of the human spirit, of the epic battle of good versus evil.

But no, there’s still that stuffy little voice inside of me that thinks that I should try to like Literary Fiction more.  Literary Fiction is about real people and real issues.  It looks at life the way it is, right?  In real life people are depressed.  They have a hard time.  They struggle to overcome the troubles of their past or of society.  That’s the goods, right?

Honestly, I find all that realism to be a bit pretentious.  And all that depression is just … depressing.  I’m going to go further and be radical and say that Commercial Fiction, my Romance and Sci-Fi/Fantasy, other people’s Mysteries and Horror and Paranormal novels do actually contain the full scope of realistic human emotions.  Who doesn’t want to fall in love with a sizzlingly built hero who rocks your world in bed?  Who isn’t involved on some level in the battle between Good and Evil and the expansion of the human mind and universe?  Commercial Fiction tells the stories in our hearts and imaginations with bright, vivid brush-strokes.  Everything that it is to be human is right there.

Okay, I have another confession.  I also have a wickedly selfish and embarrassing reason I don’t like Literary Fiction.  I’m not proud of it, but here it is.  There is a girl from my high school class who was absolutely horrible to me in school.  I was badly bullied through elementary school and on into high school until I finally left town, and this girl, woman now, was one of the worst offenders.  Well, she’s a Writer.  Worse still, she got a book deal and was published.  Before me.  She made my childhood miserable and then stole my dream right out from under me.  Bitch.  She writes Literary Fiction.  I hate her.  … No I don’t, that’s mean. … Okay, yes I do. =P  Told you it was selfish and embarrassing.  We can’t be mature all the time, even in our late 30s.

But seriously, it’s all a matter of how we like to approach the world.  My best friend loves Literary Fiction.  She also tends to be more stalwart than me.  Unless her blood sugar is low (then watch out!).  I have always been more, um, eccentric.  But as they say, that’s why Baskin-Robbins makes 31 flavors.  And coming from a background in Theater as I do, it also strikes me that Literary Fiction is more in keeping with the tradition of Realism while in many ways Commercial Fiction is more like Romanticism or even Existentialism.  It’s all about the package we like our emotions wrapped in.  I like bright, shiny, sexy things.  But that doesn’t mean that I’m right and the Literary Fiction crowd is wrong.  Although I would love to see book clubs out there read some bodice-rippers.

But what about you?  Which do you like better and why?

P.S.  I have a secret plot for revenge on my high school bully Literary Fiction writing woman.  She has a Facebook author page, I have a Facebook author page.  I want to have more “likes” than her.  Last time I checked she had about 346.  When I make it to 350 I am going to throw such an internet party that I will go straight to Hell for gloating so maliciously.  Heh heh heh.  So if you’d like to help me out with this, please click on “Leave a Comment” and follow the link at the bottom of that page to my Facebook page.  “Like” me and you too can support petty high school antics on the eve of my 20 year class reunion

Twitter: Are You Doing It Right?

Aug23

I love you guys.  I really do.  You know I do.  I love my #mywana #wewrite #amwriting and more hashtags friends on Twitter.  You guys keep me motivated and cheer me up when I get down.  But I gotta tell you, some of you … Dude, you’re doing it all wrong.

And I admit this is all my opinion, BUT….

You know how sometimes you say something to someone off-the-cuff and when you stop to think about it later you realize that it was more profound than you intended it to be?  I like to think of these statements as coming from a higher power that just happened to find your mouth as you opened it.  Well, I said something to a Twitter friend last week like this when she complained about someone who had DMed her with a rude message telling her off for not retweeting his posts and promoting his book more.  I said to her that the point of Twitter is to make friends, not billboards.

I stand by that statement.  Twitter is for making friends, not billboards.

If you haven’t read Kristen Lamb’s book We Are Not Alone: A Writer’s Guide to Social Media then you need to drop whatever you’re doing and go out there to get it.  Kristen does a very good job of walking you through all the necessary steps to maximize your social media presence and persona.  It’s invaluable information.  I’ve run across people on Twitter who I wish I could hand a copy and say “Don’t come back until you’ve read this eCover to eCover.”  Because there are some common mistakes out there that are so easily avoidable.

Mistake Number One:  You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.  I have the uncomfortable feeling that some people out there think that signing up for Twitter and following a bunch of people entitles them to follow-backs and retweets.  I worry that these folks go on the hunt for followers, not friend.  They get really tetchy when they feel like they’re not getting what they deserve.  But the thing is, none of us deserves anything.  Following people on Twitter is not some magical key entitling you to be promoted.  We have to promote ourselves.

Which leads me to…

Mistake Number Two:  Spam.  I think it’s wonderful that there are Writers out there in the Twitterverse who have written and published novel in various formats.  I’m super happy for you all.  However, reminding me on an hourly basis that your book is on sale now doesn’t make me want to buy it.  Sort of the opposite.  Also, it’s a wonderful thing that there are folks out there who enjoy promoting other authors.  But ten RTs back-to-back obliterates the effectiveness of all of them.  I’ll be honest, when I see someone fill up my feed with a dozen posts like this I ignore all of them.  That’s not the point.

I think there must be a magic equation out there, the fine line between broadcasting and spam.  I love it when people retweet interesting blog posts or links to buy books, but one at a time, with a little discrimination (the good kind I mean).  I’m far more likely to click on a retweeted link if it stands on its own as a genuine recommendation, not just a link in a chain that hurts my eyes.

Mistake Number Three:  Standoffish Profiles.  Here’s another pet peeve.  I hear about someone on Twitter I’d like to follow.  I go to their Twitter Profile.  It includes the words “I don’t auto-follow back”.  Congratulations, you’ve just told me that if I follow you I will get nothing out of the relationship and that you will view me as just another number.  You’ve insulted me before we’ve even met.  I don’t care if you don’t auto-follow back or not, but advertising that fact is like saying “Here is a fantastic Rolex watch that you will never be able to afford so don’t bother looking through my shop window”.  You don’t have to auto-follow back anyone.  But you also don’t have to be a jerk about it.  And besides, your ratio of followers to following tells me clearly that you don’t follow many people, so why rub salt in the wound?  I also tend to shy away from following people who have hugely disproportionate numbers of followers to following, unless they’re a name I recognize.  Why?  Funny you should ask because….

What are we all doing here on Twitter?

We’re networking.  Social networking.  I prefer to focus on the SOCIAL in social networking.  Because as Kristen explains in her book, people want to buy books from folks that they know and with whom they have a personal connection.  Well, that’s the technical explanation.  Me personally?  I like people.  I mean, I really like people.  I’ve been online participating in social-type forums since my first computer in 1997.  I have met some super-fabulous-awesome people online.  In 2000 I flew cross-country to meet up with a group of folks from a social website I was part of and had one of the most fun, memorable vacations of my entire life.  I have sent and received care packages across oceans and continents to “imaginary friends” in exotic places that I’ll be lucky if I can visit someday.  And you know what?  Nothing makes me happier than sending words of encouragement to my fellow Twitterati when they’ve reached a milestone, are having a bad day, or just type “hi” in their Twitter feed.  It’s all about people.

So ask yourself: “Why am I on Twitter?”  There’s no harm in answering, “Because I want to sell my book”.  But if that’s your only answer, if you aren’t approaching this wonderful medium with a grander sense of community and caring, are you really using it to its fullest potential?  I would argue that if you’re using Twitter as a tool for promotion rather than a conduit to reach people then you’re doing it wrong.

And right now I have the deep urge to buy the world a Coke and teach it how to sing….

Why I Hate Summer

Jul23

Fall is my favorite season. I love its colors, its smells, and the sense of productivity that the harvest and the start of the school year bring. Spring is my second favorite season with its return to life, its colors and lightness. Winter isn’t great, but I can handle it. Summer, however, I hate.

The problem with summer is simple. It’s too damned hot. Maybe it’s my Scandinavian roots, but when the temperature soars I wilt. I really can’t handle the heat. I never could. I grew up in an old house without air conditioning and summers were miserable. We had a pool, something my Granddad put in back in 1968 in a stroke of genius, but you can’t live in a pool 24/7. Nighttime was the worst. I can’t sleep in the heat which meant that for large part of my childhood summers I didn’t sleep. And I was and am a dragon when I don’t sleep. I remember several nights when it was so hot and I was so desperate to sleep that I would get up in the middle of the night and jump in the pool in my nightgown then drip my way back up to bed in hopes of catching a few Zs.

Winter is cold, true, but in the dead of winter I sleep like a baby. Growing up in said old house without air conditioning there would be times when it was so cold that there was ice on the inside of my bedroom windows. That didn’t bother me so much because I always felt snug as a bug in a rug wrapped in eight layers of blankets. It was cozy. It did, however, bother me when I had to get out of bed in the morning and run down the hall to the bathroom and wait for the water in the shower to warm up. But that was only a few minutes. Heat doesn’t go away in a few minutes when you let the tap run.

Summer is expensive. Last August my electric bill was $235 because I had the air conditioner running round the clock. That AC could have challenged Usain Bolt to a sprint it ran so much. But it was necessary. When you grow up in a house without air conditioning one of two things are going to happen to you. Either you are going to adapt to heat and it won’t be a big deal and you’ll be able to do without it or you will crave the cold so much that you will pay any price to bask in air conditioned bliss. I fall into the latter category. But it isn’t just the AC that makes summer expensive. Summer is the time of vacations. It’s the time of hotel reservations, long car trips, and outings at theme parks, movies, and other events. My wallet cries in the summer. Granted, the rest of me has a super fantastic good time, but my wallet weeps.

My wallet also gets upset because my car is always due for state inspection in August. My old car. My car without air conditioning. I love my car fall, winter, and spring. It’s not much. It’s not pretty. But it gets me from point A to point B and is very reliable. The heat works fine. The air compressor is shot and I’ve had various estimates of between $300 and $900 to fix it. That’s not counting anything else that may come up as needing to be fixed for my car to pass inspection. In the summer.

Okay, summer does have its perks. My birthday, for one. Longer daylight hours for another. Part of me wants to say that cricket is a perk of the summer, but we play in the spring and the fall too and frankly those games are so much more enjoyable. Winter has its drawbacks. No cricket, for example. Massive dumps of snow too if you have winters like the last two we’ve had in Philly. And it’s dark. But it’s easier to put on layers of sweaters and socks than it is to take anything else off when it’s hot. And in the winter I can drink hot coffee, tea, and hot chocolate. I think I can put up with snow and ice and cold a lot more cheerfully than I can oppressive heat.

So. As you can see, fall and spring are awesome, winter is a lesser evil, but for me summer is a three month trip to Hades. Man, I can’t wait until October!